Of Assassins and Timeloops
by 6Fortius9
Summary: In which rebirths pose as hell to a suicidal man, Erwin becomes a companion, and little Levi becomes someone he holds dear. [Mild Erwin x Male OC]
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

…

"The fear of death originates from a fear of life. A man who has lived his life fully is always ready to die." – Mark Twain

"I wonder if sleeping and killing most of my life counts as living." – Karma Ackerman

…

Once upon a time, an acquaintance once told me this:

"If you continue killing people like this, karma will come and get you some day."

I looked at him in the eyes and responded with a deadpan.

"How can karma catch up to me when I am never afraid of dying?"

Never would I have expected it to do so in a manner transcending my thoughts.

…

I died in a game of Russian Roulette.

There is not much to reminisce about. Simply put, a gang of us top notched assassins decided to get together for a round or five of this game. Boredom has weird effects on people sometimes.

I lost.

Dare I admit it? I was in fact rather jubilant about being killed.

Mark Twain once claimed that a guy who has lived his life fully will always be prepared for death.

I was one such guy, having already achieved everything I ever wanted in my entire life before my death. There was only one thing left up to the moment the bullet went through my head:

Eternal sleep.

Don't laugh. I am known to people as the 'Faceless murderer', 'Sleepy Assassin', even 'Narcolepsy Bastard' to some of my acquaintances.

I love to sleep, and death was just the one thing I have always wanted. Technically speaking, karma should never have been able to catch me. Doing so would only gratify me afterall, so why should it, right?

I would never have expected karma to make a joke out of it though.

I got reincarnated, with my memories and everything.

Staring blankly into the dark eyes of my supposed mother, my first thought upon my entry into this new world was that one cliché line everyone know:

Karma's a bitch.

Life as a baby is uneventful.

Besides the usual baby food and hygiene and humiliating experiences I rather not talk about, there is sleep.

Being a baby is like being in heaven.

Never in my life have I ever gotten the chance to sleep eighteen hours a day. I wonder why I never wrote this as my future career back in high school. Perhaps then I wouldn't have to sleep only ten hours a day.

My mother is a prostitute – But honestly, who cares? At least she's not a bitch. Not one bigger than karma anyways.

With a new life resolution of dying the moment I get my eyes on a knife, my first year in this new world passed in a constant sleep induced daze.

I was constantly locked within a small room which is supposed to be the woman's quarters. Not much of a surprise, considering her occupation. I was pushed into a cabinet whenever she has to attend to her duties. Well, at least she has the decency to do that.

Food is sometimes lacking, but I couldn't care more unless it starts interfering with my sleep. In which case, skipping meals actually gives me more time for sleep instead.

Ha! Let's see if karma is able to make a joke out of that!

Ironically, I died precisely because of that unhealthy habit.

For three consecutive days, I slept and whined whenever the woman tried to wake me up to feed me, leading to my impromptu death by starvation.

Well, you think that is the end, right?

You get it all wrong.

…

When I woke up, I was once more staring into dark eyes, held in the same position I was a year ago when I was born. Even that same grimy substances felt exactly the same throughout my body.

My brow twitched as the woman stared at me blankly, her silence holding for the same span of time it did before.

"Karma."

Damn.

"Your name is Karma Ackerman."

Did I mention this? Karma somehow even found its way into my name in my new life.

I may be lazy and sleepy, but I like to think that I am far from stupid.

Everything happened in the same routine as it did in my last life. I was treated like the same newborn I was before. There were sufficient hints for me to understand:

Damn it, karma. When will you finally stop chasing me?

Karma plans to put my second life on a repeat until I somehow stop wanting to die.

Maybe.

I don't know. Who knows what mission I am assigned by some invisible entity?

I wonder if I am cursed by someone in my first life.

I killed numerous people on my last count. Does that mean karma plans to haunt me for that number of times? Urgh.

Prudently, I stopped whining about food and obediently allowed myself to be fed this time round.

At the age of one, I lived long enough just to know that I was in fact going to have a brother.

"Another brat." As the woman so nicely placed it.

For nine months, I bore with the woman's emotional tantrums as best as I could by sleeping it off. I'm not so stupid as to kill myself off. It will only prolong my torture under this vixen.

The moment my brother was born, I had a sudden epiphany.

"Levi." The woman declared blankly to the eerily calm silver eyed baby. "You will be Levi Ackerman."

I choked on my spit and died.

No.

I wish I had.

One of my acquaintances had once termed me a two-faced bastard before changing his mind and re-terming me 'Blank'.

I can't blame him. I do have countless aliases.

However, the main reason for the initial number two was because of the two splits in my personality: Lazy, and hardworking.

I may be a lazy bastard, but I never let it interfere with my work…unless I'm fully certain that I would win, of course, but that's a different story.

As an assassin, I once had the job of being a teacher in a Japanese school.

Naturally, as a teacher, it is essential to connect with your students through various means. At least, until you turn around and stab them in the aback. One of the resources I used was precisely it.

Attack on Titans.

A long story about titans which somehow went back to talking about humans.

In that story, besides the numerous people dying in fear and tears, the one character I have always found realistic was Levi Ackerman.

And he's my brother.

It's hard to connect this always scowling baby with that always scowling soldier in the future. No, really. Levi looks different as a child. Except for the eyes and the scowl maybe. That's everything?

…Nevermind.

Like usual, I simply closed my eyes and slept through everything.

As long as you don't bother with him, nothing will change. I will live, perhaps, and the plot won't change too, perhaps. Can't say I care about humanity when I'm dying and reviving repeatedly.

I will not lie. The urge to kill myself is growing strong. But I endured it.

You recall what I said about my meals before Levi?

Oh, I didn't mention it?

My meals were measly, terrible-tasting, and all in all, crap.

Now, it only became three times worse.

Growing out of baby formula, I ended up switching to scraps from the bin. Originally, the woman's salary was never sufficient, so one more mouth only made things harder.

I died once because of that, and I endured another round of repeat to get back to step one.

Yay.

This time, before Levi was born, I devoted more of my sleeping time to training my reflexes and limbs. Assassination requires this bare minimum.

When Levi was born once again, I resorted to stealing from the occasional visitor for survival.

I have to wonder if something changed as a result of my actions. Levi warmed up to me this time for some unbeknownst reasons.

One first time into the cabinet, instead of staring wide eyed out from the slits like he did the first time round, he pinched his eyes together and leaned towards me silently.

…Wait. Did he do that the first time round? I can't remember clearly. I could have been sleeping instead of practicing my wrist exercises.

I flicked my wrist, imagining a pen between my fingers as I wrote. Mental imaginary does contribute to your skills even if physical ones are more effective.

To my muted surprise, Levi lifted his hand and copied the motion.

How old is he again? I was two and a half, so it should be half a year for him.

Gazing at him from the corner of my eyes, he gazed back at me petulantly, patiently waiting for another stroke of my invisible brush.

I wrote an 'a'. He copied a somewhat twisted 'a'.

I wrote 'Lazy'. I think he wrote 'crazy'.

I drew a smiley face.

And he gives me a deadpan face.

I buried my face in his neck to muffle my laughter. In the process, I pulled him into me – more than he had already been leaning on me anyways. There was a look of surprise on his face, one which only made my quaking laughter increase.

Well what do you know? The brat is cute despite his near constant scowl.

I do not know if Kenny did teach him about writing, but I decided to teach him anyways. Who knows? Even if it does eat into my nap, maybe this knowledge and bond will come handy one day.

His first word was a whisper.

It was the single word the woman used most around him.

"Brat."

I stared at him with lidded eyes and snorted, trying to hide a laugh, before returning to sleep.

If only Eren knows this, that hormonal teen would be so delighted.

"Karma." His second word was.

My eyes snapped opened at once, staring at him, stunned.

Levi only looks back with inquisitively waiting eyes, as if waiting to be praised or something.

I pursued my lips.

I am not a professional assassin for nothing. I am also one of the best actors, and I know what act I should take up in various situations. To be an older brother who is both lazy and good at the same time…I did not have any experience in doing so, but oddly enough, it came naturally to me.

"Levi." I replied in response.

The first time I was ever calling his name, his eyes widened in surprise.

"Good job." It felt like patting a dog in an odd, twisted sense.

I closed my eyes immediately thereafter, trying to ignore the odd warmth in my chest and how he was snuggling up to me.

Am I getting soft?

Me? The lazy assassin? Blank?

One reason I was termed blank was due to my lack of emotions. Other than sleepiness, but you know what I mean. I carried out my jobs professionally even if my target was one of the acquaintances I had been drinking wine with the night before.

I wonder if this is how Kenny Ackerman felt while looking after Levi.

My assassin is already identifying Levi as a major source of weakness.

In the future, I would most likely be killed because of Levi.

And I was right.

My life passed in a perpetual daze. As we entered the second year of Levi's life, which was also my third, Levi begun following me like a baby chick.

Perhaps it was just simple admiration. Perhaps, he just liked the feeling of security I gave him.

Regardless, I pretended not to notice and continued my routine of sleeping and stealing.

All would have been fine if somebody hadn't decided to mess up at that time.

No, it isn't me.

Nah, it's all my fault.

It was one single time when I decided to slip out into the streets. I haven't done so a single time so far, but it was fair time that I did it. An assassin needs his personal space afterall.

Making sure that Levi was not following me, I crept out of the door in the morning and left.

The day was sunny.

As if.

Our sky is the ceiling, so I can only describe the weather as blobs of lights hanging on cave walls and reflection of lights coming from the city.

I strode across the streets, ignoring the stares directed at me.

I can't blame them.

A three year old out alone in the streets? In my world, we either call them abandoned or geniuses.

Everything had gone perfectly fine. I laid down on one random rooftop and fell asleep.

When I awoke, it was to the sound of a hand slapping hard and a soft murmur. A familiar scowl was before me.

"Karma!" He whispered shouted.

Gazing blankly at Levi, I opened my mouth and yawned.

"What are you doing here?"

There was no need to ask, really. He probably just followed me again.

"I-"

I froze, eyes narrowing at the sound I heard.

Footsteps. Heavy ones at that, and they sounded as if they were encroaching upon us. They were on the rooftop, too.

From the angle at which we lay, they most likely couldn't see us, but they were searching for us.

Dang it all. I came out because I was willing to bet that I can protect myself, but with Levi-?

I cast an analytic gaze at him.

Levi seems to have noticed my odd behavior and was now paying attention to the same footsteps. In his silver eyes, I saw fear, but otherwise, he steeled his shoulders, remaining just as emotionless as always.

I smirked.

Attaboy.

As expected of Levi Ackerman.

"Pretend to sleep and I will take care of them all." I promised, slipping a dagger from my sleeve. "I didn't come unprepared."

He scowled and nodded, lying down limply.

With my silent steps, I hid in the shadows below the roof tiles and waited for those bastards.

The sound of gruff murmuring reached my ears, each laughing about how they're going to be earning some big bucks by selling an Asian kid.

I narrowed my eyes.

What failure of an assassin would I be if I let my own kin get kidnapped?

There were three of them, each buff as if they were on steroids.

The moment two reached Levi, I swung myself onto the rooftop.

"What the-?"

Why must I be so short?

I cursed inwardly as I climbed one man's clothes to reach his neck. Covering his eyes with my hands and jabbing two of my fingers into each socket, I slit his throat and jumped back to the ground.

Two more.

Climbing is too much of a chore, so I went for the nerve at the back of one's legs.

The man bent over, still swinging his axe wildly.

I could only snort, like all professionals usually do in face with amateurs. How dumb is he? He's evidently not even strong enough to have full control over his weapon.

Aiming one stone at his eyes, it punctured his eye and brain with a squashing sound and he dropped to the ground.

In that one moment, however, something went really wrong.

I had failed to notice the presence of another man creeping up on me. The forth man of their group.

"Karma! Behind!" Levi shouted.

It's ironic. The assassin caught off guard by another assassin. I was too arrogant.

A hand wrapped around my arms in preparation to slice my throat, but I lifted my hand before he could. The blade dug into my wrist, splashing blood around.

There was a grunt of surprise.

One hand is no big deal.

Using my other hand, I reached up and stabbed a finger into his eye.

There was a yell, and I was released.

For a short moment, my eyes flickered and just as I thought, I did not mistaken those raven locks. That man is…

I ran towards Levi and pushed him off the roof.

"Run back to Kuchel's or hide!" I yelled.

This life is over for me. I could tell as much.

Levi wouldn't die falling off a floor. Even if he is injured and no longer able to run, well, at least Kenny will be there to help him.

At least I managed to slip the woman's name in there somewhere.

A large hand grabbed me and I could see the other assassin's face from the reflection of the axe.

Kenny was yelling, horrified realization dawning on his face.

"STOP-"

And then, there was red.

…

All things would end eventually in the ways you least expect.

I reflected. I learnt.

I really shouldn't have been so clumsily arrogant.

For the following resets, I trained myself as though I was dying.

I made a new resolution to not go out again until I can fight off Kenny.

In the following three resets, I died.

Once was from Levi accidentally talking during the woman's sessions and having her snap into a fit. Another time is from robbing the wrong guy. The last is an unfortunate event when some shooting went on outside and killed everyone in the vicinity.

Sometimes, I hate luck.

It was my luck in Russian roulette which placed me in this situation to begin with.

I hate how I always end up playing babysitter to Levi. Something in me just kept wanting to protect him,

One time, I tried letting him die by himself. The guilt was sufficient to make me point the dagger to my heart. But either ways, it's pretty much decided that Levi won't be dying as long as I'm around.

If this continues, I have a vague idea of what is going to happen. Things will just continue to repeat, like that Higurashi series I heard about.

Upon entry into my fourth year, the food on our tables further lessened. As a matter of fact, they turned into ration bars.

From what the woman said, turns out that the plague mentioned in the first chapter of the series was happening above surface. I stole the bare minimum in this reset, wanting to avoid all unnecessary risks that could get us killed again.

Levi and I were scrawny to begin with, but my decision this time made our growth permanently stunted.

Our ribcages were visible, though not as bad as portrayed in the manga.

I trained Levi in basic self defence, wanting to make him less danger prone.

Despite the gnawing hunger, we lasted into my fifth year.

Then, the woman died.

…

A/N: That's it for now. Please tell me your thoughts on this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

…

That repeat, we had died yet again.

Simply put, we had wandered out of the house and shortly after, got ran over by horses.

It was not a pretty sight, to say the least.

Things repeated once more, with the woman dying again from those pills. I feel sorely tempted to hide them, but then again, it takes too much effort to do so. Not to mention, who would want to deal with a suicidal woman for the next few years?

Thus, we died again.

…

"Karma. The woman's dead." Levi shook me awake with a blank face like he did in the previous reset. His eyes were dilated with shock, but otherwise, as blank as a three year old can possibly be. "Help me confirm it."

I grumbled, leaning against the wall with lidded eyes.

"Did you check her breath and pulse already?" I drawled.

"I did."

"Then, she's dead."

I stumbled back into our makeshift bed of blankets. The warmth was still there, and I snuggled full heartedly into it.

Levi was speechless for several seconds before my ears caught the sound of shifting. I knew what was coming, just as I always do, but knew that moving aside would only anger him more.

Levi planted his feet roughly on me.

"What are you doing?" I deadpanned, knowing the answer already.

He only continued kicking.

But somehow, just like always, I understood.

The mindset of Levi Ackerman is a simple one. Raised by a woman who loathes us and never taught us to use words, Levi only ever knew how to show his emotions through actions. That said, owning to the lack of exposure to any action other than violence, he places many types of feelings into a simple kick like this.

And I understood, because just like him, I was an ignorant brat too long ago.

The thoughts racing through his head…They made me reminisce about my own back then.

"People die, Levi." I stated nonchalantly as a final kick found its way to my frame. He stops. "It is only a matter of time, so there's no use sulking over it."

I am one of the ones who bring it to people, so I would know.

The heel in my side was frozen mildly until it started pressing down harder.

"What now?" I sighed.

Levi continued kicking for the longest time – I dare say my training has been too effective, because these kicks were actually starting to hurt – until he tired and flopped down to my side.

I hid a sigh of relief when he leaned against my back, facing away from me.

"…Why?" The meek voice coming out from him sounded his age for ocne.

"Why what?" I replied sleepily in return.

"Why are you so…blank?" He struggled with his words.

He sounded hurt. He sounded angered. And most of all, he was confused by the seemingly cruelty of it all.

" _I do not understand. How can you be so blank and yet, still be the kind perfect man who spoke to me all this time?"_ I recall one of the women I seduced on a mission long ago once said.

Why am I so voided of emotions?

I suppose the reason is simple.

In my childhood, before I was even Levi's age, I had already seen death around me. Back then, the falling of bodies and echoing sounds of thuds were so consistent that I grew indifferent to them. Lies, betrayals, hardship…I became numbed by them.

The eagerness towards death was the only thing I felt between missions. But even that was stolen from me when this accursed repeating of the daily life begun.

A three year old would not understand this though. He would not comprehend if I tell him that I have already seen the woman's death, his death, and experienced my own death so many times over it was the norm now.

I glanced at Levi and found his silver eyes staring at me with slight betrayal.

It must be nice to live only once.

I closed my eyes.

"Go to sleep, Levi. Otherwise, you will get lost in the abyss and die of regret."

The slight fluctuation of his breath gave away his confusion.

I went to sleep with the feeling of his warmth still on my back.

When we awoke, I was more than cautious as we made our entry into the world outside our room. I felt absolutely cornered.

Pushing Levi behind me, I kept an eye out for any stray horses this time round. Anytime now, I was expecting death to pop up around the corner and kill us once more.

There were no horses.

I breathed in relief and relaxed.

"Karma!" It was the hint of familiar desperation in Levi's voice that made me still.

I knew what was coming before it even did.

This time, a pole came flying down from the skies. Some building construction worker must have skipped some steps and caused the pole to slip. I should have expected it. Afterall, underground city populace was not given citizenship, so any injuries happening to us are not considered as accidents.

Red splattered.

Darkness closed in around the edges of my vision.

In my last moments, I saw Levi as he rushed to me like that little baby chick he used to remind me of. With widened, terrified eyes, Levi looked his age again.

"Why…?" He asked, hands hovering above me.

I stared at him as my vision blurred and disappeared.

Somehow, I begun to realize what was happening.

They say once is chance, twice is coincidence, and thrice is definite.

The third time has yet to come, but somehow, just somehow, I already knew what was happening. It happens all the time in science fiction stories.

Fate is fixed.

And this world will kill us whenever we try to escape it.

…

Meeting Kenny Ackerman is an event that greatly influenced Levi Ackerman. It is what gave him the foundation to battling in the future, the possible reason for his living in the years that followed Kenny's abandonment, possibly even the values that made Levi who he would be.

The two supporting characters were vital parts to the story. Villian and protagonist. Both made impacts on each other, so their meeting is fated.

They were supposed to meet in Kuchel's room, where Levi Ackerman was starving and Kenny then took sympathy.

And this is an event that absolutely must happen, according to fate.

The next repeat, I hid Kuchel's pills.

I placed them in the tiny flower pot where the petals have long since wilted, and I waited, knowing that somehow, this was just not going to work.

Kuchel's death is another plan of fate.

As expected, Levi woke me up in the same manner again, eyes wide with the same shock and slight terror.

Kuchel had smashed her head into the wall overnight.

I can remove the pills, but there is no way I could barricade the walls from us.

Soundlessly, I gave up on preventing Kuchel's death.

I knew the ways of killing someone, especially oneself. And in just this room alone, there is already more than two dozen methods of committing suicide. It is just plain unavoidable.

The following repeat, I tried to leave the room by myself in the midst of the night.

The skies were just like the day Kenny and his gang murdered me. There were a little fewer people, but otherwise, there is nothing changed from that day.

All went well. I walked passed several people, picked their pockets without getting caught, and was on my happy way around when one thought came across my mind.

I should get an apple for Levi.

And just like that, suddenly, the world was flipped upside down.

A knife slashed across my back. I turned just in time to catch the sight of my murderer, a random man with a desperate look on his face which reminded me of just where we were all living in.

"I-I'm sorry!" He cried, falling to his knees as the red blossomed under me.

Behind him, some uniformed military men took chase.

I only stared vacantly at the ceilings.

Dang it.

I understood it, however much I disliked the fact.

Levi has to stay in that room until Kenny comes, and he has to be in a half-dead state, meaning no food – not from me or the world.

I tried to escape with Levi a few more times to no avail. Horses, poles, cars, murderers, kidnappers, prostitutes…the list goes on and on. I knew fate is running out of ideas when my heart clenched and I was sent into a heart attack. I mean, really? A five year old having a heart attack?

Haha.

Giving up on escaping, I resigned myself to convincing Levi to stay in the room with me.

"If you're going out, you will have to do so alone." I cracked opened an eye, hiding my anxiety behind laziness. I was betting on Levi's little chick nature, so please let this work. "I won't follow you."

"Aren't you hungry?" He asked me instead.

I could barely withhold a laugh of mockery.

Of course I'm hungry. I have been hungry for all the last few repeats, and baby food has never tasted so delicious to me.

Instead, I lifted my lips in a smirk and drawled coldly.

"You could always eat me if you are." I stated.

Silver eyes widened, blinking at me in shock and he turned to the door.

"I will get food for you, Karma. So…" His concern for me was unwarranted.

"Are you sure you will be able to do so with that tiny body of yours?" I mocked, silently hoping that he would stay. "You can't even defeat me yet."

"I will when I'm your age." Levi stated coolly and walked out of the room bravely.

I heaved a weary sigh.

That was uncalled for, even I knew that. Especially when he is merely concerned about me…

I squeezed my eyes shut when the sound of crashing was heard outside the room.

That little brat. He's always so caring despite his scowling demeanor.

In the next repeat, I tried a different line of argument.

"Don't you think the woman cares for us despite what she says?" I questioned.

He gave me a weird look.

"But you always say she hates us."

"That is the point." I closed my eyes to avoid looking at his eyes, recalling how shocked they were the last time I tried to convince him to stay. "She says she hates us, and yet, she still cares for us. Don't you think she would call someone to come and take care of us?"

Levi remained silent for a long time, leaving me to elaborate.

"Baths, beds, better food…Don't you think we have the chance to get them all if we just stay here instead of wandering out?" I questioned.

His only response was to flop down beside me.

"Okay, I'll stay."

The first time he did so, we both died of starvation.

The second time, I sneaked out and grabbed out some bags of food just before Kuchel died. We ended up looking not like desired when Kenny visited.

"Aren't you going to take us along with you?" I questioned as Kenny walked out of the room.

He turned and shot us a scowl.

"Why should I take care of a bunch of brats when clearly, you can already provide for yourselves?" He spat.

And he was off on his merry path.

"Let's follow him anyways." I drawled and Levi gave a weird look. I was getting used to his weird looks by now. It consists of slightly narrowed eyes and thin-scowling lips and menacing glares.

"We don't need a bastard like him to help us." He pointed out. "Like he said, we can help ourselves."

"The food I got is not limitless." I reasoned, pulling him along. "And I don't wanna get food for us anymore. It's too risky."

We got our throats slit the moment we exited the room. Ironically, it wasn't by Kenny.

Figures.

It appears that fate has three conditions to be fulfilled: The settings of the room the necessity of our starved, growth-stunted state, and the requirement of Kenny taking us along, willingly.

I got the message and started off with a lesser version of my initial plan:

I gradually increase the amount of food we have, making sure it lasts just until a couple of days before Kenny's visit.

The third through seventh time, we died from starvation.

Putting me aside, it appears that Levi has a higher metabolism rate than I do, so he requires far more food than me. Usually, he tends to be the one who dies unless I sneak my portion into his, so following that line of thought, I end up being the one who dies first most of the time due over the overestimation of my own body.

I would not even mention some of those kids in 104th generation of cadets. I am just hoping that I would not be smaller than Levi by the end of this.

I was resigned to continuing this new routine for the next few dozen times when something odd happened.

Someone came for us, but it was not Kenny.

It was a man. A blond haired man with blue eyes.

I think you know who he is.

The first time Erwin Smith came into our house, Levi was already half dead while I was barely hanging on.

With icy blue eyes, blond hair, and even the usually billowing cape that has been so overdramatically emphasized by Eren, it took a while for my oxygen deficient brain to register it. By that time, I was already in the crook of one of his arms, Levi in another.

"S-Stop." I breathed.

Erwin stopped, looking down at me in puzzlement.

For the first time, looking into his face, I realized that he looks far younger than portrayed in the show, probably just in his late teens or so. But why was a scouting legion member, a young one at that, allowed into the underground city?

My vision was blurring. I tried to direct my thoughts back along the lines they were before.

Holding his gaze as firmly as I could, I summoned all the strength I could to my words.

"Do not walk through those doors with us."

It was an advice. A warning. An order.

Erwin is unmoved as he gazed down at me almost defiantly, stating factually.

"I have a debt I owe you, so I will help you."

…What debt?

My muddled mind couldn't figure it out.

My eyelids just feel so tired. I cannot keep them open.

Closing my eyes, I simply whispered weakly into his ears.

"Don't blame me when you die."

He murmured something back in return, but by that time, the darkness was already killing me.

I felt a tremor through his body – ah, was it the spear death again? – before everything was beyond my fingertips.

That is not the first time.

The next time, just as I was on the break of dying, he came once more. He was just a little bit earlier this time round, but either ways, the moment Levi was out of the cottage, a dog came out of nowhere and bit him before tearing my neck apart.

Once more, I felt Erwin die as he fell, dropping me as well.

The third, fourth, fifth and subsequent times had the same routine.

However, he never came a day earlier after that.

It was as if he knew how much food I was preparing, how long I was planning for us to last, when either Levi or I would be on the border between life and death.

He never fails to mention a debt.

I wonder what it is.

One night after Kuchel has died, I covered Levi with my blankets and existed the room.

"You are here, aren't you? Come out." I stated.

There was a pause before Erwin and his large bulky frame appeared from the bushes.

"You…stalker." I deadpanned sleepily.

"You were the one who wanted me to appear." He responded in return, blue eyes looking as blatantly factual as always.

"Ah. I lied about knowing you were here to see if there is a stalker." I admitted. My senses were dull after the constant repeat of this life, not to mention, starvation numbs all other senses like nothing else.

"More importantly, is it okay for you to be out?" He ignored me, looking around for any possible dangers.

"Is it okay for _you_ to be here?" I questioned in return.

He only rolled his eyes and gave the briefest hint of smile.

All that disappeared the moment I wobbled slightly on my feet. A large hand caught my body, surprising me with the gentleness of the hand despite how strong and big it looks.

"I-I'm okay." I slurred, stomach growling. "I'm already used to it. Just put me against the wall for a while and I would recover."

Erwin did as he was told for once, carefully leaning me against the stony cold surface. I breathed a sigh of relief, blinking when his eyes caught mine in a confused gaze.

"I don't understand." He stated.

"I don't understand what you don't understand." I drawled.

"I don't understand why the world is trying to kill you." Erwin revealed, brows still furrowed in deep thought while my eyes snapped open in slight surprise. "Why…you are not able to walk out of that room without dying soon or afterward."

…Starvation must be having quite the effect on me. Why hadn't I figured this out sooner?

Snorting lightly, I shot him an amused glance.

"Since which death have you been following me around?" I asked, the faintest of smiles settling on my lips.

In turn, his curled downwards into a frown.

"Since the one where you were killed by a scoundrel with a knife to your back." His hands tightened in thought.

"How?" I intoned.

He only looked down, reminding me of a german shepherd.

"I got injured while battling him, so they transfused your blood into mine. I suppose I became bonded to you and died whenever you did, regaining my memories when you were born."

That is the most cliché story line I have ever heard. Nevertheless, he continued to look guilty, as if transfusing blood from a dying kid is the wrong thing to do. For some reason, that expression annoys me.

"Stop looking down." I snapped, glaring at him from under lidded eyes. "It's not going to help."

"By the laws, accepting blood from an unwilling donor is-"

"Don't pull that shit on me. It's for survival, isn't it?" I deadpanned, watching him carefully. "And if what you say is true, then you died the moment my blood merged with yours. You shouldn't owe a debt to me. You should be cursing me right now."

"But-"

"Shut up." I closed my eyes at the giddiness in my head, breathing deeply.

Shit. I should have approached him far earlier after Kuchel's death. Perhaps then, I wouldn't be so weak now.

Thinking hurts.

Suddenly, there was a large hand on my back, picking me up into the cradle of his arm like how he usually carried us. Surprised by the motion, I hardly protested.

The rocking of his arms was nice, and his muscles provided more support than the cottonless pillows ever could.

I sighed.

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"If you are, then find a way to go back to your own parallel universe. It's painful repeating time over and over, you know?" I slurred dazily.

"I know."

"Then, why are you still following me?" I asked. "I will try my best to live as long as I can, so you should just go and explore the rest of the innerwalls."

"I did." Erwin stated, making me blink. "But…The people I met. The moment the reset happens, every one of them forgets me even though I can never so the same for them. I wanted someone who I could share this eternity with…And there's only you."

His words were stunningly earnest. I wasn't such a top notch assassin and a lazy ass, I would be flustered. But…

"But to continue beyond this…We would have to wait for Kenny Ackerman to come. Only then can the story proceed." I placed an arm over my weary eyes. "We have to survive beyond this year…Then can we go and achieve your dream, Erwin."

Blue eyes were wide, remaining so for several seconds until I turned to stare at him lazily.

"…What?"

"It's just…I have always wondered." Erwin blinked profusely, trying to diffuse his embarrassment about being caught staring. "How is it that you understand your brother so much and even know so much – about killing, stealing, threatening, when none of your family knows a thing about them? How do you-"

He paused, but we both know what he was going to ask.

 _How do you know my name and my dream?_

To answer the first question, one of my family does know assassination, and his name is Kenny Ackerman. But as for the other issue…

I smirked lazily and drawled.

"That's for me to know and you to figure out, Erwin."

…

From then on, Erwin never interfered with us again other than the occasional meetings.

The routine switched back to the old one, repeating until one day, a figure appeared at our door.

"Hey…Hey, hey…Hey, hey…"

Parting my eyes at the unfamiliar voice, I stared at the figure approaching the woman on the bed warily. Levi was doing the same, I could tell.

"You sure slimmed down a lot now, haven't you, Kuchel…" He drawled.

"She's dead." Levi murmured, while I leaned against him lazily.

There was the sound of shifting as Kenny turned to gaze at us.

"Who are you? You guys are still alive, right?"

"We wouldn't be talking if we were dead." I deadpanned.

"Hmph. Cocky kid." Kenny smirked. "What're your names?"

"Levi…" My kid brother whispered. "…Just Levi."

"And I am just Karma." I forced the last bit of my strength into those words.

"I see…Kuchel…You're right. There's not much point in names right now."

Kenny leaned against the wall, sliding down to sit on the ground.

"I'm Kenny…Just…Kenny. Kuchel and I were acquaintances. Pleased to meet you, kids."

-x-

A/N: Thanks to all those who favourited or followed!

I'm finally done! I feel that the part of Erwin is a bit…too emotionless. I am still having a hard time trying to grasp Erwin's personality. I'm thinking about making this Erwin X OC, so…yaoi. Please tell me what you think.

Additionally, I will most likely try to update on a weekly basis – though it's mostly based on the reception to each chapter. However, I think those who read my other stories recognize my fluctuating devotion problems, so I will hedge strongly on the 'mostly' portion.

That's for now, thanks for reading!

Drago123: Lol I'm back! I thought about Karma as well when I wrote this. Actually, I was writing Asano Hajime simultaneously but I have a bit of a writers' block now for that. Please be patient for a while longer. I will try to update that story the earliest I can.

CheeseBrainGirl and Guest (1): Well, I updated. Thanks for reviewing!

…

"Incidentally, how old are you, Karma?"

"Physical or mentally?" I parted one eye to peer at him curiously. Why does he even want to know?

"Mentally."

"We repeated over five years for over two dozen times, so I should be over a century, if you do not consider the hormonal changes and fluctuations in brain activity." I stated blankly.

"I see." Erwin looked as emotionless as he was portrayed in the books.

I cocked my head.

"Why do you want to know?"

"It's…I was just wondering why you seem so mature, that's all." He looked away from me.

Suspicious…

I narrowed my eyes but closed them anyway and simply enjoyed the rocking of my limited edition human-chair.

"Is that so…"

"Yes, it is."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

…

 _Sometimes, a photographic memory can be more a woe rather than benefit._

 _The things around me are painfully clear. Everything is standing out. Things were black and white, the same way I used to see things many lifetimes ago._

 _Without a doubt…This is a dream of the past._

 _I pursued my lips, readying myself for the onslaught of pain and confusion and - whatisallofthis?! – just preparing to happen. I was always watching things from a third person's perspective while younger me acted out the scenes._

 _It's all very tiresome, really._

 _A large hand reached out to my head and ruffled, lips moving in tandem before curling into a smile, the jiggling of gold coins resounded as the black figure faded beyond the distance, leaving one single three year old longing for him…_

 _Nostalgia. Wistfulness._

 _Emptiness._

 _I willed the emotions in place and strangled them passively, just like how I'm so used to doing before digging knife into soft flesh._

 _Sold into an underground battle dome, there wasn't much a tiny three year old can do. I didn't understand, just like any other kid my age. All I knew was that I was somehow abandoned, and that the sea of muscular strangers all around me was definitely up to no good._

 _In the underground world, there were always those with sickening_ kinks _._

 _Watching a three year old massacred was one of them._

 _Soon after, I was pushed into a cage. There laid a limp man with limbs so thin I grew concerned for him. The cuffs which were wrapped around his wrists and ankles were paid no attention as I dashed up to him, holding up his heavy head with desperate, panicking cries._

" _Mister! Mister, are you oka-?!"_

 _A hand slapped my cheek, the chains rattling by his hands._

 _With widened eyes, I held my red cheek and stared disbelievingly at him._

" _Why…?" This was voiced by him, rather than me._

 _Dark eyes peered up through the long messy locks and stared at me, horrified. Then, determination overcame his features and he struggled against the chains, screaming at his captors, our captors._

" _Why him, you bastards?! Why, of all people, did you choose a kid?! What did he do to you?!"_

 _Nothing, of course._

 _From a detached perspective, I watched younger me fall back, stunned at the man. It's almost comical how naïve I used to be, even compared to Levi. It was something that will soon be fixed._

 _My eyes slid onto the ruffled man and narrowed._

 _This man, I would find out years after his death, is an assassin. Disappearing into the shadows years after he gave up assassination, he was captured after his wife was threatened. Sitting in this very same dome, he fought for the sake of his wife…But little did he know, his wife was no longer in this world. Not since the day he was captured…_

 _Tears slid from his eyes and he barked another frustrated yell, falling back with heaving breaths._

" _Damn it all…Damn you all…"_

" _M-Mister-"_

" _WHAT." I shrunk back at his menacing glare. It softened almost at once. He sighed. "Don't talk to me, kid. It's better for both of us that way."_

" _B-Bu-"_

" _Shut your darn mouth." He breathed._

 _I was struck by how pained he seemed. I shut up._

 _A single day went by surprisingly quickly. When my stomach growled, he sighed and nudged me with the tip of his bounded feet._

" _Food will come in two more hours, so be patient."_

" _O-Okay." I thought he sounded almost apologetic for his tone before. I forgave him and forgot about it._

 _When dry bread and water came, his eyes leapt onto it at once._

" _Heh. There's only enough for one, so I'm afraid you'll both have to fight for it." One of our many captors, a rounded ball with hair like a chicken, snickered. I noted blankly that this was one of the first ones I had killed when I escaped. "Oh, but then again, I forgot! The almighty assassin can't even move a finger now, can you?"_

 _The man twitched and glared, grinning ferally._

" _But even then, I can move my teeth, so I can at least bite off the correct chunk of your neck to kill you."_

 _Younger me watched, wide eyed. I knew what he was saying even then, but being young, I dismissed it as a mistake of the language. On my part, per say._

 _The ball flinched and ran off._

 _The man sighed._

 _Noticing the drool at my mouth, (I feel disgusted at my younger self) the man chuckled and nudged me again._

" _Eat it." He encouraged._

" _But-"_

" _Men shouldn't use 'buts'." He reproached. "And I'm older, so I'm fine with not eating for a day or two."_

" _Really?" I gave him a doubtful look._

" _Your first word without stuttering and you doubt me. You're a weird kid." He snorted. "Quickly dig in already."_

 _With a look or two of hesitation, I took a bite of the bread._

 _Noticing the man looking away with a gulp, I broke the bread in half and ate my half first. Then, I proceeded to lift the other to him, much to his shock._

" _Eat it. I'm not as fat as you, so I eat less." I looked away._

 _His eye twitched but he smiled._

" _Snarky kid, aren't you." With a snort, he bit into the bun. "Thanks."_

 _Days passed. As if there was some sort of time limit, the man broke into more frequent bouts of conversation, passing time for me._

 _I learnt that the man had a family. His wife was a blond beauty, his son someone near my own age. I learnt that he was 'someone bad', but even then, he had friends somewhere high up who would be coming to help us very soon. I learnt that he had been there for three months already, hence his current state of messiness and thinness._

 _And I listened with attention, enraptured by this strange, strange man._

 _And I clung to his words with much hope._

 _Once, in the cold of the night, I was awakened by his screams._

 _Fearfully, I had tried everything I could to wake up until there was no other resort: I slapped him._

 _At once, his eyes snapped open. The sweat poured down his face as he blinked and shook his head, disorientated. I clung to his thick shoulders with now thin hands, barely on the verge of sobbing alongside him because he just looked so very_ pained _._

" _Kid." He realized for the first time. His eyes turned dewy as he tried to hold back his tears, but it was futile. "Kid…"_

 _Perhaps he wanted to call my name._

 _In that entire time, we hadn't asked for each other's names. It didn't matter much either. I was content just knowing that this man was someone nice, and he didn't seem to want to know my name anyways. Either ways, we just didn't know each other's name._

 _Head drooping, a bead of tear or sweat fell down behind the curtain of black hair._

 _He sobbed._

 _He didn't confess a thing about being an assassin. I didn't know that word back then either. But the degree of his pain was obvious, and I only hugged him, remembering that was what Mama did when I cried._

 _He is remembering his sins. The present me filled in for the past. The sins of killing people over and over…The sins of killing those very same people in that very same cage…The sin that would soon be committed by killing me, a child._

 _When he next opened his lips, it wasn't a word of thanks or sorry. It was a firm sentence which sounded as if memorized, accompanied by hard daggers in his eyes._

" _Stop feeling, kid." It was an advice, an advice that seemed cold to me back then. "Don't be sad or happy or disappointed or hopeful. Don't desire. Don't even think about wanting to live._ Stop feeling _."_

" _Eh…What?" My hands hovered in mid air._

 _He remained quiet for the rest of the time we were in that cage._

 _A month after my entry into that cage, we were dragged out onto a large field._

 _The announcer was yelling joyfully into the mic as the crowd went crazy. A rusted flick dagger was placed in my palms as the gates open to reveal him and me. He was donned in armors, messy hair trailing out from under a headgear._

 _I was confused._

 _What…?_

 _Of course, it wouldn't be fair for the adult to face a kid with a weapon, so they gave him a single task of killing me barehandedly._

 _The first punch was met with cheers. The second elicited tears. The third pulled out a single question from me._

" _Mister, why…?"_

 _He didn't reply._

 _Instead, the punches which were a lot lighter than they seemed rained down on me._

 _As my eyes closed in pain and the excited yells of the crowd blasted my eardrums, a single sentence echoed and resounded._

"Stop feeling."

 _I laid limply on the ground and waited for the next strike to come._

 _Don't be happy. Don't be sad. Don't be disappointed or hopeful._

 _The next strike came and I rolled to my side. He slumped, fist sliding against the ground and neck a hair's breadth against me._

Don't feel. Don't desire living.

 _Without thinking, without feeling, the dagger flicked up and dug into the neck laid bare before me._

 _Beneath the armor, I thought I saw a smile._

" _That's right, kid. Don't feel."_

 _The cheers erupted._

 _As his body grew heavier and collapsed entirely on me, I realized his sacrifice. But then again, it was too late. With a shout that rocked my entire world, something shattered there and then._

 _My world turned red._

…

I woke up to the large grey eyes of my little chick.

There was something weird in them, a glint of something protective that looked out of place on that rounded childish face of his. It took a moment for things to click.

I wanted to groan, but I restrained it.

Instead, I stared blankly at him with heavily lidded grey eyes.

"I'm fine, Levi. Sorry if I talked in my sleep."

It was something so minute it would take an observant person to notice it, but his brow had definitely furrowed by the very slightest twinge. Perhaps it was worry. But then again, knowing him, it could be irritation for all I know.

Levi, being who he is, decided to show it by lifting a pudgy hand to my face.

"Hey, personal bubble her-"

I was cut off by the feeling of wetness. I froze, stunned into silence.

I…cried…?

…How odd. I strained to remember the last time I cried, but it was difficult.

In the midst of all these repeats, I have definitely not cried-as-in-tears-welling-up, though I have tried the audio version of baby cries. The last time I cried in my first lifetime, on the other hand…

"Karma." Levi interrupted my thoughts. He sat up, dressed in newer drabs. "Go back to sleep."

…It's weird that he is the one saying that.

A couple of lifetimes ago, I was the one saying that to him to make him get over Kuchel. Funnily enough, I don't remember saying that to him this lifetime. A mere coincidence?

The door creaked. My head snapped up.

"The older brat is awake? Good." Kenny appeared at the door with a bowl of something and– Is that a pink apron with the words 'Kiss my ass'?

I scrunched my nose and sent him a lazy smile as he came over.

"Nice clothes." I commented.

His eye twitched and he sat down a tad more roughly than needed.

"The fuckers didn't have anything else." He said, frustrated. "Here, your soup."

It felt disturbing, how they were both staring intensely at me as I took the bowl. But then again, the broth just smelt so delicious and I hadn't eaten in days…I gulped down the soup at breakneck pace.

Taking it as his cue, Kenny continued talking, updating me on events he probably didn't care if I know.

"Basically, what happened was that you fainted shortly after I picked the two of you up. I called the doctor over, they said it was starvation and had you hooked up to something for a while until they thought it was okay. It's been three days since you fainted."

My stomach turned.

Three days…

I'm surprised I haven't died. More than that…

"I'm surprised you got doctors to come over." I stared up at him sulkily. "When Mother was sick, they hardly cared."

"They cost a hefty sum, of course." He coughed, looking away. "Anyways, how's the soup?"

What a bad liar. I kept my eyes on him. He must have abused his status amongst the royal family a bit.

"The soup's terrible." I gagged, sending him a bored look. "But what's for dinner tonight?"

"It's three in the morning." He deadpanned.

"Well, what's for breakfast this morning?" I questioned.

"Nothing. We're moving this morning."

Moving?

I gave Levi a questioning look.

"He steals the houses and changes every week." He summarized.

My brow twitched. What a low grade criminal he is. If he is any assassin with a brain, he would at least go for their money first and secure multiple safehouses. Then again, since the underground has virtually no security, I can't blame him.

I sighed.

"I'm making breakfast this morning."

"What? As if I'd eat some brat's food." Kenny scoffed.

"Then don't eat it. I'll cook for Levi and myself." In a mock play, I shot the now empty bowl a dismissive look. "As if I'd continue eat this shit in the future."

"You little brat…"

I gave him a blank stare, silently appraising.

"What?"

I had bullied him without even noticing it, but now that I dug deeper, was this actually a trap? I paused, staring for another moment of silence and dismissed it cautiously.

From what I know of the manga, even though it was not so subtly mentioned, it was hinted that Kenny Ackerman is a huge softie. This is evident from the way he took in Levi back then, even the way he gave way easily for the previous human-titan…Of course, granted, there is always a need for logic before he is willing to move on his emotions (how he refused to take care of us initially is evidence), but he is a pushover, regardless.

That doesn't mean I can do this unreasonably to our savior though.

"Sorry. I bullied you without meaning to." I dipped my head apologetically.

"Wha…?" His eyes bulged, taken aback.

"I have honor and I really shouldn't treat our savior without gratitude, so please let me make breakfast this morning."

Levi was hardly surprised by my fluctuating emotions.

"You're-"

"If you're concerned about poison, I will taste test the food before your eyes, so don't worry." I assured.

"That's not what I'm-"

"I can't promise I won't insult you from now on, given your almost submissive attitude…But I promise I will try to not do so." I said silently.

Silence fell. He breathed, trying to calm his temper.

"You done with your shit, kid?"

"Yeah."

He inhaled again and brushed a hand through his hair.

"Stop being so terse around me, kid. Just because I'm your rescuer, you don't have to force yourself around me. In fact, I wish you wouldn't. The respect is…uncomfortable." He looked away awkwardly.

"Okay then, shy boy." I nodded solemnly.

"What d'ya mean by that?" His eye twitched.

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep." I informed moments before my vision blacked out.

It's embarrassing how I burst in an apologetic fit. Maybe I'm simply too tired. Or perhaps, it was simply the aftereffects of that memory. Yeah, that's it.

…

Recovering took a few more days, to my frustration. Meals continued to be made by Kenny until I was declared recovered. With much relief, I took over the stove.

It took a single day of cooking meals and gathering ingredients (with the financial help of a few strangers) before I realized the two had settled into a kind of routine without me. In the morning, after breakfast, Kenny would give some instructions to Levi as training before leaving for his aboveground job. At lunch time, he would return briefly before leaving again, returning at five sharp before they proceed to take over some poor guy's house.

Of course, Kenny never left us without guards. There were plenty of traps lying around outside the house, and it took a fair bit of effort to dismantle them whenever I left.

Still, I felt disgruntled to know I wasn't contributing much.

This is why I always preferred solo work. It doesn't require communication.

One afternoon, when I returned from grocery shopping, I found Levi fiddling with a piece of wood and a knife.

"What're you doing?" I asked lazily, setting the ingredients aside.

I flopped down on the couch and watched him as he worked.

"A cat." He stated.

"A cat." I repeated, staring at the piece of work. …It looks more like a rabbit really, but what can I say when he's working so hard? "Why are you making a cat?"

"It's the only animal I've seen." I see. I wonder if there are zoos aboveground…

"Let me rephrase that. Why are you carving a wood sculpture?"

"Ken said it helps my control."

I blinked.

So this is Kenny's idea of training…

In all honesty, it wasn't that bad an idea. Afterall, being able to craft fine details always means the ability to pinpoint targets' weaknesses easily. It works perfectly with Levi's tiny frame and lack of muscular strength.

Still…I stared at the 'cat' and deadpanned.

Maybe I should make some models for him?

"I want to play as well." I quipped.

His stomach growled in turn.

"…I'm hungry."

"But I want to play."

"Cook for me."

"Play first." I stated.

"Cook." His brow twitched. He's becoming more like Kenny than I liked.

"Play."

"Cook."

"Pla-"

The door slammed open. There was the distinct sound of something dropping to the ground. I looked down, stunned to find the 'cat's ear now gone from the main sculpture. Levi radiated killing intent.

As one, we turned to look at the prime culprit.

Kenny slurred as he rubbed his tummy.

"I'm hungry. Where's lunch?"

"Levi."

The black aura increased tenfold.

"Levi." I tried again.

"What." He gave me the eye.

I sighed and folded my arms.

"You can still make a tadpole from that, so stop mourning." I deadpanned.

To my relief, the black aura retreated.

"What's a tadpole?" Grey eyes looked up at me curiously.

"It's a sort of fishlike creature with a tail-"

"Hey, is my lunch ready?" Kenny leaned over the couch.

"Shut it. It's your fault this happened, so bear with it." I gritted.

Outside that single control training Kenny gave Levi, I continued to teach Levi reading and writing. Of course, as Levi liked to complain silently, these skills may not be applicable in the underground world. However, it never hurts for us to have backup skills in case anything runs awry.

After dinner, the duo always left the house. With the traps disabled, I would watch Levi practice his swings from the window. Occasionally, he would be dashing about with heavy rocks attached or carrying something. To give him credit, Kenny was never pushing my little chick too far beyond his limits – something I was grateful for, despite myself.

Once, Kenny caught me staring and decided to wave me over.

Joining his side, I knew what he was going to say before he even opened his lips.

"Do you want to join us?" He offered.

"I'm better than you think I am." I warned.

"I already knew." He smirked. "You're centered on speed and stealth, aren't you?"

I narrowed my eyes, frowning.

"I saw you once in the market. It was commendable how you escaped my traps without leaving hints. I wouldn't even notice you robbing the bastards' pockets if I wasn't looking for it." A bead of sweat slid down his cheek.

He's lying. In fact, stealing is the one single skill I've mastered this life. I'd bet he didn't even notice it until I pulled out coins to pay for the items.

I maintained a relaxed composure, staring unseeingly at Levi's running form.

"Mother couldn't support all three of us." I justified.

"I'm not blaming you. I'm kind of a criminal myself." He chuckled.

"I know." I glanced at 'our' house purposely. That much was pretty obvious. That, and the gun hanging by his side.

He chuckled sheepishly.

"You know, you're a pretty mature kid."

"Aren't all kids in this hell?" I retorted.

"I suppose so." He pulled a cigar and lit it. A puff of smoke later, he continued gruffly, but gently. "The other brat said he wanted to protect you."

I blinked, eyes widening by a mere fraction before I regained my composure.

"I see." The words felt artificial and my throat felt thick.

Kenny smiled. I felt a prick of illogical irritation which I quickly squashed.

"You are a good older brother, despite everything."

The words made that feeling increase tenfold. My eye wanted to twitch, but instead, that warm feeling overcame the irritation. With a scowl, I returned the favor.

"You are a good guardian, despite everything."

Bullseye.

He froze, eyes widening and jaw slackening, allowing the single cigar to slide out of his lips.

Abusing my physical age, I shot him a smug smirk and ran forward to join Levi in the wide swings of the dagger. He gave me a curious stare, conveying a hint of amusement in our guardian's shock. I shrugged.

…

Levi's first fight came after two years of sword swings and running and punching.

It was on the rooftop of that very same building I had died in before. Of course, since I've died over a dozen times, that description may not be clear enough.

It was the same rooftop on which we first met Kenny. The place where I got killed by Kenny's partner-in-crime.

Grotesque?

I tried not to think too much into it, but it was impossible.

Flashes of memories hindered my movements as I flicked the knife across the target's leg. He yelped and dropped down on one leg, cursing as he readied his knife to get in a hit.

Impulsive, I noted. Prone to mistakes, perhaps.

I leapt back, taking aim with my dagger.

He didn't expect me to do mid range attacks. The knife lodged in his throat, an immediate kill.

As I marked him off as dead, I turned to Levi.

The boy was still playing catch with his prey, unable to get a good strike in due to his height. Levi is quite unlike me. Unable to think as quickly or aim from mid-range with his knife, he only had his strength, knife control, and stamina going for him.

I sat back, watching Levi struggle.

The little chick is doing well for someone of his age. I don't expect him to give the finishing strike. He's only five afterall, no matter how much Kenny and myself have tried to desensitize him to killing. In fact, he looked quite disturbed when I finished my prey.

I yawned and rubbed my eye.

Levi will always be Levi. Like that future projection of him, the fact that he is able to maintain his humaneness may just be something good.

His target was disabled, but alive.

Levi panted, bloody knife still in his hand, and slammed a leg into the target's body.

"Give up." He demanded.

Softie.

I sighed.

"Just kill him and get it over with." I yawned again. "I want to sleep."

A dark glare was shot in my direction. Why am I not surprised?

"You will not tell anyone." Levi commanded. The poor pig nodded, frightened. "If you do…We'll kill you slowly."

A squeal.

Poor guy. I stared with indifference. I never spend more time than needed on my kills, particularly it simply felt more merciful to give them a fast death. And it also gives me more time to sleep, of course, but that was a different matter. Levi just didn't know how cruel he was being.

When we leave, Kenny would probably leave his hiding spot and kill the pig.

The houses we always stay in were lushly furnished, because they were the lodgings of our mission targets – innerwall individuals who were often hated for abusing their power.

I yawned.

As Levi finished negotiating with the man, he made one mistake: He turned his back on the man.

With a grin, the pig grabbed the gun that had been kicked out of his reach and pointed it at my little chick.

Levi turned at the sound, sunken grey eyes widening.

"As if I would listen to a brat like you-!"

The maniacal laugh was interrupted by a yell of pain. I had tossed my extra knife, pinning his hand to the ground. The gun went flying away. He hissed.

And then, he continued laughing.

"Hahahaha…HAHAHAHA…!"

"Wha…?" Levi stared at him, still wide-eyed in shock. "Why…are you…?"

"PwahahahaHA!"

I furrowed my brows in concentration.

Smug behaviors from the target usually meant insanity or something else. While I don't doubt that the target may have snapped, the way he clutched at his hand and nursed it, the way his eyes still retained a part of himself, even the way he _sat_ – it wasn't how a cornered person would sit –All these pointed to something else.

Through the sleepiness, I heard a clicking sound.

My grey eyes widened.

Mind lurched into a mess of thoughts, possibilities popped up.

Those eyes that had been staring at us…Is it really Kenny? Has Kenny been taken down? Where is he? But the breathing pattern of the man-

This building is on the lowest level in the district. Perfect area to snip would be everywhere.

Me? No. Not me. Rather, knowing the pig, it would be Levi first.

Perfect area to snip Levi…?!

Another flash of memories. I saw the past: Levi, falling off the roof. The enemy, lowering an axe on me. Kenny, yelling in the reflection in the blade.

Levi, dying in a pool of his blood, ran over by the horse, strike by a pole, kicked and beaten to death, sliced, tortured, shot-

I moved.

As the shot was fired, I rushed forth and blocked Levi.

Pain exploded. I winced, vision blurring.

Another shot was fired, not aimed at us, and I knew Kenny had gotten the sniper down. The idiot made the mistake of revealing his location by shooting.

The pig whimpered. Kenny darted out of his hiding spot. Levi softened my fall. He shook me. Voices yelling, blurring, silenced.

I groaned internally.

20 apples, 8 loaves of bread, 8 litres of water.

The secret formula to surviving to Kenny's arrival.

I didn't want to use it, but…

I'm going to die, aren't I?

Stupid karma, I sighed.

…

"You idiot!" Nag nag nag nag nag. "Why did you do that?!" Nag nag nag.

I sat in a blur, dazedly staring at Kenny.

I'm alive.

And Kenny is wearing a painfully orange apron, this time labeled with the words "Kiss my ass, Bitch~ " I wonder why he always get the lewd aprons.

"Are you listening to me?" Kenny drew my attention back. He's becoming more motherly recently. I wonder if this is good for everyone's and my health.

"Nope. Not at all." I admitted.

"You little brat…" He gritted his teeth.

More importantly, why is Levi sitting in the corner of the room like that? Why is the black aura around him again? And is that mushrooms I see growing on him?

"Kid." Kenny dragged the chair to sit on. He slumped, looking far older than the last time we saw him. "When will you finally value your life enough to stop doing all these crazy stunts?"

The serious though exasperated tone demanded an answer, an answer that should be obvious to any assassin.

Still…Is he serious?

I glanced at him and frowned.

He really is serious.

"…Probably never." I replied, carefully passive. He sighed.

"Look here, kid-"

"Kenny." I willed solemnity into my tone for the first time, giving away my real age. He fell silent, gazing at me with eyes widened by the slightest margin. Tilting my head, I gazed at him stoically, factually. "What…do you think is an assassin?"

"…Huh?" Confusion and the slightest understanding and shock.

In the corner, Levi's ears twitched in interest.

"What are you saying?" He asked.

"A killer is someone who kills. A serial killer is someone who kills repeatedly. An assassin is someone who is a serial killer for a living, someone who is able to treat killing like any other job – as a bartender for instance, or a teacher, or a soldier." I paused, allowing him time to absorb the information.

His eyes did not bulge, a good sign that he's following.

"Like other jobs…Do you really think emotions are relevant in this profession?" I questioned, face cool as ice.

My question rang out in the room. As if he had thought over it many times, Kenny replied without a beat.

"Emotions are necessary to be human." He stated. "Before assassins, we are human. Fear of death is only normal for a human."

I would have snorted if I didn't respect my savior. That sort of mindset is what differed average and top-rate assassins. As the sins piled, their minds will soon crumble under the weight of their emotions. They would die, mostly on the field. Just like that man from that day…

Levi stood.

The both of us looked at him immediately.

"I don't like to kill." He said the most predictable line possible. "But if I can protect us, I will."

I blinked.

Kenny and I exchanged a stare and smirked.

Laying onto the bed, I watched Kenny cuff Levi around the head and get swatted away by the kid.

A hero, indeed.

…

A poppy that fell from the skies reminded me of our annual meeting.

We met at a tiny shed on the more military side of the underground world. It was the single house his father had passed down to him, a safe house of sorts, he had told me.

When I entered, there was dust in the house.

I breathed a sigh of relief, flopping onto the soft couch and stretching like a cat.

"I still haven't cleaned that sofa, I'm afraid."

A cup of hot chocolate was placed on the coffee table, a clear offering to me. I nodded my thanks to him as he took his seat by my side, blue eyes staring into the flickering flames within the fireplace.

"It's fine. Levi has been getting _too_ into cleaning recently. I suspect it's trauma from his first kill." I closed my eyes.

"I still disapprove of killing." He stated.

"I know." I replied.

The topic was willingly given up and left behind.

Comforting silence remained between us. I enjoyed the rare moment of silence while he continued to stare at the flickering flames…pondering over his job, most likely. According to him, the Survey Corps is a place filled with dying and killing, some place that is reminiscent of the underground world but…overlapping with Titans.

If only he knew that titans are spawns of humans too.

How ironic it would be.

His hand moved for the first time, surprising me.

I forced myself to relax, trusting him as he lowered his hand on my raven locks, smoothing the windblown hair with surprisingly gentle motions.

Erwin is always a weird man like that. Perhaps it was remnants from the past, he still treats me like the fragile, starved, weak child from way back then. I would have minded should he not be bound to my fate. Call it guilt or whatever, but I know that in this endless repeat of everything, we are the only ones who we can ever trust fully.

I didn't mind going to hell, really. But after the nth time he had died alongside me and still came back to find me, only a demon can avoid feeling for the poor guy.

"It's been twelve years since we last died."

It was a fact we changed and rememorized every year.

"Indeed." I echoed.

"Have you become afraid of dying?" He asked, smile on his lips as he looked down at me.

"I'm never afraid." I stared back blankly. "Are you?"

"Always." He chuckled wearily.

"It's the same old then." I said dismissively.

He sipped on his tea, bags under his eyes highlighted by the light of the fireplace.

"How's it going recently?"

"Normal. Old friends get killed by titans. New recruits come in and get killed. It's the same old." He laid his head back onto the sofa, eyes closed in exhaustion. "I wonder if there's a way we could somehow stop the deaths. If…we could find out more about the titans to justify all the deaths."

The exhaustion hanging off him was influencing me as well.

I'm always amused by this. Our annual meetings are much akin to bachelor's meetings, where everyone get drunk and bemoan the pains they share. I've shared it with him before. He had laughed.

"…You want sake?" I thought aloud.

He lifted a brow, reminded of our conversation, and chuckled.

"I doubt sake would improve my migraine."

"Hm. Go to sleep then." He lifted a brow at me. I lifted a brow right back at him. "What? Sleep energizes you and makes you smarter."

"I doubt the later, but thanks." Erwin smiled. "I'll take up the offer…if you don't mind."

I scoffed.

"Sleep already."

He faked a snore and chuckled before his breathing evened out. He must be pretty tired to sleep that fast.

Sipping at my now cool chocolate, I stared at the fireplace in his place.

The first rule of being an assassin was killing.

The second rule was always staying in places of advantage.

I've always thought I might just continue to stay within the walls, where I had the most power, but…was that necessarily true?

I gave a side glance at Erwin and frowned.

If he dies…just like with Levi…I will kill myself.

It's no fair if he's the only one enduring the cycle while I get to live. I was the one who got him in to begin with.

It was ironic though, really. I was never the noble or responsible type. I didn't like creating unnecessary burdens either. I wonder when I had started getting attached to the little brat and the big golden retriever. Then again, in this world which just seems to repeat endlessly…there's nothing much to do other than to get attach and rescue them.

I sipped my chocolate and closed my eyes.

The third rule of being an assassin is to always secure information of the target.

Joining the Scouting Legion will hardly abide by the second rule, but in such a situation, is a cheap life of repeats necessarily more important than information?

…

The many animal sculptures we've crafted overlooked us from the window frame. The world outside was silent. Kenny was still sleeping in, though breakfast was already made.

Today, the routine repeats.

Sitting at the base of the couch, Levi was once more carving another replica of my golden retriever. I sat behind him, scissors snipping away the long locks which he would often glare at.

The swipes of knife were fast and accurate. Like cutting through butter, he finished one sculpture in no time at all, continuing onto the next.

"Levi." Snip.

"What." His hands didn't slow. He was getting better at multi-tasking.

"…Are you happy here?"

Sentimental, unusually so. Even so, I erased all traces of emotions as he turned to stare at me, sunken grey eyes seeking for a meaning to the question – like how Kenny always does with everything related to me.

I flicked his ears and pushed his head back.

I didn't need him disturbing my work on his hair.

Silence resounded for a long time.

His pace on the wood sculpture had slowed, pausing irregularly. Hands clenched over the wood every now and then, leaving slight indents in the art piece. Grey eyes were lost in thought as he stared, straightforward as always.

I felt almost disappointed when I finished the work.

There was no answer.

Unclipping the towel from his shoulders, I brushed the black locks onto the ground. I would need to sweep them later. No need to offend the now termed clean freak Levi, even if my cleanliness standards is the only one that surpasses his.

"I-" I looked up. He paused, hesitating under my gaze. I knew he is embarrassed because Levi is just like that, always showing many emotions through one single action. "I…am."

"I see." I allowed a smile to pass through for half a second.

His sharp eyes caught the expression, to his shock. Come to think of it, I've never smiled much around him, have I? I replaced my stoic mask in response and grabbed a parcel from my kitchen, tossing it to him.

"What is it?" He caught it.

"It's a cravat." I smirked. "I thought it would match that stick up your ass."

Levi didn't know what a cravat is, that's for sure, but he knew an insult when he hears it. Years beside Kenny and myself have bestowed him much vocabulary no normal kid should know.

Narrowing his eyes, the black aura seeped out again.

"Bastard." He spat.

He stomped back up to his room, no doubt to unwrap his gift and perhaps, take his anger out on the resident pushover we have.

I rolled my eyes. How predictable.

…

"Are you going?" How predictable.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" I returned.

"No, not at all." Kenny left the shadows. "Where are you going?"

I breathed.

"The military." I answered.

"I see." He took out a cigar, lit it, and placed it between his lips. "You're going to die."

"I know." I replied. "It is necessary."

He plopped down on the couch, staring at the few animal sculptures I left Levi to copy. He exhaled, eyes narrowing in nostalgia. The cigarette ashes fell to the couch. Our eyes followed it in sync. Levi was not going to be pleased.

"Is it for humanity's sake?"

"For my sake." I looked at him. "For your sake. For Levi's sake as well."

"And here I thought you're suicidal…But you're one of those heroic types. The ones who always fight to protect others, like Levi." He said that so casually, I actually laughed out loud. In surprise, his eyes flickered to me.

"It's my first time being called such. Can't say I'm happy about it, Kenny." I gave him a smile.

This Kenny is the first Kenny I have officially encountered in my many lifetimes. This is the first of the many Kenny-ies that will soon come. The first Kenny who bothered to care so much about Levi and me while still ignoring our bad sides. The first Kenny who I've grown attached to, despite myself.

He exhaled another puff of smoke, lowering his hat.

"Don't smile. You look creepy like that."

I stared at him stoically.

"Don't breathe. You look creepy like that." I replied dryly.

He snorted soundlessly. Lifting a hand off the couch, he waved lazily.

"Just…go. I'll cover for you. Don't worry about your brother."

I nodded.

"Thank you…truly."

His response was another wave.

Soundlessly, emotionlessly, with a single last glance in the direction of Levi's room, I left.

-x-

A/N: Once again, thanks to all those who favourited or followed!

Current count is 5 reviews, 23 favourites, 29 follows. It may not seem much, but it's a lot more compared to the last chapter. I truly appreciate you all for your support. I know I wasn't able to update regularly, so I try to make up with long chapters. For some reason though, I always write this story while listening to flat, pop songs.

Once again, I'd like to call out to fellow yaoi fans who support Erwin x OC! If there isn't sufficient support, I'd unfortunately be only able to give light hints of it, no explicit romance. So please review if you support it!

 **Kayzin:** I'm glad you liked it! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

 **Dragonlily22:** Sorry if I'm too harsh, but I really wish you would change your wording when reviewing…I don't mind bad English, but it gets kinda tiring seeing that same line of words appearing in most of my stories. Just sending a smiley face is good as well. I don't want to trouble you with copying and pasting/typing those words every time. :)


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